#im isolating so i can stop being a piece of shit burden on everyone i love

[rabbithaver]

ok im gonna go to bed. sorry

[mytraumavent]

man idk i cant even participate in social events, not only is my anxiousness in the way, my mental state is so fucked up that i only feel like a burden and like a downer, then i just isolate myself more to keep people i like safe which makes me even sadder, which then again makes me isolate myself more, cause really i dont see myself as anything more than a fucking energy-draining moodkilling piece of shit, i want to keep myself away from people i like, its already a struggle for me to do basic interactions with people i like, i dunno i cant get myself to bother anyone, i feel like im only trouble and maybe it would be better for everyone to forget me and then i can end myself without being worried to be the cause of somebodies trauma, cause thats the only thing stopping me right now, for real if i wouldnt have family who would be traumatized for life if I would be gone, I would already be dead, fuck fuck fuck

[demonslayvr]

i feel  ..................  really alone and isolated and i don’t know if its caused by me or not.  i feel like im a second choice for people friendship wise or just anything.  its coming up to my birthday and all i can feel is dread.  i don’t know what i wanna really do with my life even though im in college  /  uni and i can be completely honest in saying i never expected or wanted to live this long and i just.  i’m super lost and lonely and miss my cat and i’m miserable.  i don’t like being sad and i wanna be happy but my mental illnesses make it so hard and i just wanna be not sad or lonely or miserable or make mistakes and screw things up and i just don’t know what to do.  i’m sorry im not happy right now or being happy on the dash right now and that this is likely a big downer moment and just venting my drama and shit.  i jus feel like a constant failure in life or anything i do and that im a constant burden or annoyance on everyone or i just push too much without realizing and then ruin things further and i just don’t see a big point.  every year is more miserable and i think the last time i was  truly truly  happy was before i was twelve and now im twenty three in a month and im just  ..  not happy.  im really really sorry that this wall of text is just me being a miserable bitch i’ll stop and pull myself together soon i guess but im just

very tired and my godfather’s passing is just dragging my life to pieces and i just don’t want my parents to die or anything and the concept of mortality is scary and i dont know what to do